Sunday, January 22, 2017

“I should say something here about Los Angeles, moving back to. It was an article of faith among our circle of young ex-residents that L.A. equaled living death. If Ireland was the sow that ate its farrow, L.A. was the John Wayne Gacy of cities, smothering its children with a toxic beach towel of poisoned air, mindless growth, and bad values. Whatever we were looking for—beauty, wisdom, uncrowded surf—it wasn’t there. Or so we believed.”

As a child of Los Angeles, I could not possibly ignore even a sliver of truth regarding my home city. But these sentences are more than just a sliver of truth—they capture the reality of an outlook that many of the millennials growing up in the endless summer of LA have adopted as a promethean chip on their shoulder. Those of us who have reached maturity in that city, those of us who have lived upon that glorious coastline for the majority of our lives, believe Los Angeles to be a swirling stinkhole of plastic glamour, gridlock traffic, and smog. Her sunsets are lost to eyes that have seen smeared reds and purples painted across the sky every single day of their lives.

The bottom line is that no one knows what they have until they’ve lost it.

And just like William Finnegan, there are thousands of Los Angeles babies that are yearning for fresh air and adventure, when they need only look out upon the sea of shining vehicles along the 405 to realize that they are indeed, in a city of angels.

How do I know this?

From experience, of course. I was one of the many who packed my bags, looking elsewhere for beauty, wisdom, and not to mention, uncrowded surf. I started small and made pilgrimages up to Yosemite, to Big Sur, to Joshua Tree. Then I became brave and hopped ship for New Zealand, land of greens, golds, and grays. But New Zealand was not far enough for me. Would I ever be able to escape the barbarism of Los Angeles? I moved to Iowa, and that did the trick.

Most people do not know where Iowa is on a map, many do not know it is a state in the United States. Her earth is the womb of corn, beans, and hogs. The people are proud and united, under the enchantment of a universal collective mentality. It is difficult to be different, but they are strong in their uniformity. Walk into the wrong bar, vote for the wrong politician, be vegetarian—all these things could ostracize a person. But fall sick with pneumonia and you have a person by your bedside for the rest of your life, walk into a library and you will be served tea at the local book club, stumble across the town bar and you will never buy a drink.

Just like any place, especially Los Angeles, Iowa suffers from two very different sides on her seemingly homogenous coin.

Now I am a pilgrim of Los Angeles, suddenly aware of what I left behind. She’s vicious, but she’s home and I love her. Finnegan also captures this delusional reality (perhaps the affectation of the city): a disastrous love, a love that will grind your fingernails to a nub, but you will never quite be able to let go. While he understands this love in the context of waves, I understand mine in the context of a city:

“No, I mean the beautiful violence of breaking waves. It is a constant. In small waves and weaker waves, it’s mild and benign, unthreatening, under control. It’s just the great ocean engine that propels us and allows us to play. That mood changes as the waves get more powerful.”

It does not escape Finnegan’s gaze that Los Angeles, too, is a violent place. He indirectly compares the city to a mother eating her children. He directly compares the city to a serial killer/rapist who smothers young boys with beach towels. John Wayne Gacy was known as “The Killer Clown”, a man who murdered teenage boys with a tourniquet—a device that was made to prevent a person from bleeding out. If subtle, there is irony in that murder instrument. And just like Gacy, Los Angeles supplies both medicine and destruction.



We watch Los Angeles undulate with social revolution, with media, with environmental activism, with traffic and we are alone. Residents are steamrolled by the actions of the city. We are subject to her whims, to her trends. No one quite controls it, but everyone has a hand in it. This is why we love it. We are each a single cell in a throbbing city and we each think that we are playing our role in the universe. We comment on art, we comment on waves, we comment on sunsets. We push our ideas out into the open, where they are often ignored, but always accepted. The city of Los Angeles is constant in her tremor and she gives us purpose. 

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